Promoting Joy instead of Despair

When I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus, I went through a long period of depression. I had just graduated with my masters degree and I had big plans for myself. Mental health has always been a challenge for me. I have been battling depression and anxiety since I was a little girl. But this was different. I felt defeated and I honestly thought this was just going to be my life from now on. I needed to accept this new pain and accept that there is no cure. I definitely gave up for a while.

The guilt that I felt was the worst. I felt so guilty about sleeping all of the time. It seemed like every part of my body hurt now. I stayed in bed majority of the day binge watching shows to cope. At the time, I started seeing a therapist who worked with me on mindfulness and acceptance. These skills did not come easily to me. We had to change my current coping mechanisms to ones that were more beneficial to me. My go to coping skill was avoidance and distraction. Which at times can be good. But for me, it became a way for me to escape my life.

With my therapists help, we dived into dialectical behavior therapy. I had to re-train myself in the way I was thinking and coping. One of the biggest skills that I took on was promoting joy instead of despair. It is so easy to stay in that place of despair. It became comfortable for me. But it was not going to give me a life worth living. With this challenge from my therapist, I took on activities that brought me joy.

Art has always been such a healing thing for me. Even though I didn't  want  to do art. I knew I had to make myself do something. The first thing I did was make myself a crafting spot that uplifts me. I wanted to have a place where I could be alone and listen to uplifting music while I paint. I put things on the table that made me happy and smile. Even if it felt silly, I still put it out there for everyone to see. For example, I have a "joy jar" on my table filled with confetti and glitter. Such little touches meant everything to me. I also created a bag full of my books and art supplies so I could bring my joy with me wherever I went.

This intentional seeking of joy had actually increased my joy and decreased my despair.

I even started to push myself into other situations that would bring me joy. 

These small steps were giving me a life worth living. I was no longer isolating and filling my head full of despairing thoughts. I had new hope. I was also making new beautiful memories with my daughter. Which really helped me ease my guilt. 

Although I still have those days of RA pain and I feel like giving up. Just taking a few moments of doing what I love can change the entire day around. We just have to learn to push ourselves out of that comfort zone. We need to push ourselves to get out of bed and find our own joy.